Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
