You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
