Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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