Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
