I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I deserve this hangover.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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