they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sex in a hospital.. check
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
