girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize