I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He passed out mid-signature
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
