If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
