the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
