Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
