I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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