Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
