i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
