i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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