dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
