i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
