i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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