do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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