happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
