am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
