I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
