went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
