she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the day after is always just damage control
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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