Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
