it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
