I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
