My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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