so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
