tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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