Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
