Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
