I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
