the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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