I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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