I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize