U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
