She said her name was "party"
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize