His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
