wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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