the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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