I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
