Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
