i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
