you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
