I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
