Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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