I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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