dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
