i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
