I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm passing your future prison.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
