Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
