11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize