what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Holy shit dude........stairs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
