My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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