I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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