I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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