why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize