NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
