who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
where am i from again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
