dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need moral support for this bender
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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