Redeem this text for a blowjob
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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