today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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