So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize